Rule #8: Be Supportive

As promised, I embarked on my Rules experiment yesterday.  I think, if I were grading myself, I'd get a B- for my first day:

• I e-mailed Mr. K once, but only to provide additional information from a friend about our weekend plans.
• I called Mr. K once on his way home to ask whether I should put Mini-K to bed or if he'd be home shortly (he doesn't like it when he doesn't get to see her, so I try to keep her up if I know he'll be home soon).
• I made a REAL dinner (i.e. not fish sticks), and I didn't whine when it was cold because he had said he'd be ready to eat at 6 when he came home but then ended up playing with Mini-K until 6:45.
• I put out all of the fixings for a nice G&T (I know, I know, Mags).
• I did not immediately tell him all the crazy things the kids had done the second he walked in the door.  I DID tell him that Mini-K had dropped maraschino cherries all over the floor, but that was largely in explanation as to why the floor was all sticky.

I can't decide whether my efforts were successful.  He came home pretty grumpy, and despite my best efforts to be pleasant, he stayed pretty grumpy.  It was only when I went off and sulked that he came back and offered to do yoga with me in an effort to cheer me up.  Of course, watching him suffer did cheer me up immensely :)  (It's rare that I can do better at anything even marginally athletic than Mr. K.)

Anyway, since I was only going on what I had read on Platinum Girl's site, post-yoga I downloaded The Rules(TM) for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work and started reading.  Here is my "favorite" rule so far:

Rule #8: Be Supportive
...
You should treat your husband like a warrior who is going out to battle every day.  Rally him on.  It's a jungle out there and he needs your support.  Be his cheerleader.  The next time he goes to work, give him a big smooch, a pat on the back, and a few words of encouragement.
...
We know what you're thinking.  This is all very childish.  But men can be childish, sometimes, so just go along with it if you want to make your marriage strong.  Don't be a party pooper.

Hrm.  I am SO CONFLICTED about this.

1. Who's MY cheerleader?  I know it's a jungle out there because I work out there every day too!  Do I get a wife to send me off too?  Where's MY pat on the back? 
2. This IS all very childish.  Am I really supposed to believe that my thirty-something husband, who has two degrees and a good job and gets regular promotions has such low self-esteem that he needs to be coddled?
3. Really, I'm a party pooper because I don't have the energy to work, nurture my kids, clean up, and then treat my husband like a kid too?
4. Isn't this kind of insulting to my husband?  Does he really WANT to be treated like a kid?

However, this part of the Introduction DID kind of hit home:

Unfortunately and whether you accept it or not, most or all of the emotional work in a marriage must be done by you.  It is not mutual.  Proof: You are reading this book, not your husband.  He is probably reading a thriller or a book about making more money in the stock market.  We are not generalizing.  This is just the way it is.
...
The fact is, to be happily married, a woman sometimes needs to treat her husband like a client or customer whom she wants to keep happy (let him be right).  You're probably thinking, "Why can't it be equal?  Why doesn't he have to do all the things you're suggesting, like don't say the first mean word or make up first?"  Our answer: because that's the way it is.  Men and women are different.

I'm still thinking about this.  I can't decide if accepting this status quo is accepting a fact of nature, that's mostly unavoidable -- or at least somewhat pointless to try and fight -- or if it's part of societal conditioning that should be trained back out of men.  Obviously I need more data.

Although, he did do yoga with me.  That is a first....