I got my question in too late for this week's "Ask Idgie", but I'm hoping you can shed some light on my question anyway!
As noted, yesterday I was part of a five-person speaking event to about 120 people. Nothing earth-shattering, but the room was full of potential clients, and so I spent a fair amount of time preparing for the event. Before the event was a luncheon, intended for people to get to know each other and network. For a few minutes I was able to stand with my (older, male) boss and greet people coming in to the presentation room.
Without fail, each person looked at me, dismissed me, and introduced himself/herself to my boss. This was true whether the person was male or female. As I was already nervous about the presentation, I just didn't have the energy left to step up to the plate and introduce myself, and undoubtedly I played into their assumptions that I was not someone of importance. (It does make me wonder what they thought when I got up to speak.)
Anyway, obviously the onus was on me to correct whatever misperception they had about my role. But it launched a debate in my mind (and with the people with whom I went to lunch post-presentation) about why I was immediately dismissed. We had three thoughts:
- I am female
- I look young
- I was dressed appropriately in a suit, but in a grey linen, fashionably-cut suit (elbow-length sleeves, something Joan on "Mad Men" might wear), instead of a black pinstriped number
Ohhh...things like this make me burn! It is like those people needed a neon sign pointing to you that said "HEY! I'm important!"
ReplyDeleteSo, I would say that being a young-looking female at a power event like this is at an immediate disadvantage. I had a male colleague once who at 22 had a full head of gray hair. He was often deferred to in meetings because people thought he was important. Drove his manager NUTS. But, alas, that is the world we live in. (Yes, Mr. Idgie, male privilege exists and you are a beneficiary of it.)
So, a couple practical points to reduce the possibility of this in the future:
1) Wear red. It is universally recognized as a power color. People will respond differently to you unconsciously.
2) Stand in front of your boss, not behind or beside. You don't want to look like a secretary or a wife who got to come to the big meeting.
3) After you notice being passed over once or twice, muster the energy to stick your hand out and introduce yourself. Mention that you will be a speaker. Loudly. So that other people will hear. Don't be obnoxious, but this is not the time to be a wall flower.
4) If it makes sense, stand away from your boss. Be in front of the door when he is just inside. Be several feet inside in the middle so after they talk to him they get funneled to you.