I am in my final few months of my twenties and I've been mulling over this transition for a while now. I taunted my husband for several weeks before and after his thirtieth birthday -- which was several years ago -- calling him "old" and "ancient", depending on my mood.
And now here I am.
Originally I thought I would really be upset about turning 30. The end of my childhood and all that -- you can't really pretend that you're not an adult when you're 30. There's just no getting around it. You are, in fact, an adult at that point.
In my more recent reflections, though, I think 30 is the age I was always meant to be. I've lived my whole life on fast-forward trying to get to this point. I graduated from high school at 16. I graduated from college at 19. I got my first car loan at 20, and bought my first house at 24. (Oh yeah, I got married that year too.) And I had two kids by 28. My whole life I've thought -- okay, I've accomplished X, now what's next? A rung-grabber, in its truest form.
It finally hit me a few days ago that I'm finally satisfied. I'm not worried about accomplishing anything else. I'm happy with where I am in life and who I surround myself with. I've moved away from the friends who weren't really friends any more, and I make the effort to stay with the friends who really are. I'm 10lbs heavier than I was before I had my kids, and I have a lot of gray hairs poking out, and let's be honest, breastfeeding might do a baby some good but it does nothing for your boobs -- but I really don't care any more. I'm okay with myself. I have things I should work on, and I should probably exercise more and cook healthier food and not take the Mini-Ks for Frosties after school once a week, but I'm not beating myself up about it any more. And the thing I am most proud of -- or at least, represents the most personal growth, I think -- is that I'm not worried about my husband any more. I'm not worried he's going to leave me, I'm not worried he's going to run off with some hot blonde with great boobs and skinny legs, and I'm pretty sure that if he did, I would still be okay.
Now, don't get me wrong -- I still have bad hair days, and "I'm fat" days, and freaking out on my husband days, and twinges of jealousy when certain women pay slightly too much attention to him -- but I finally have the self-confidence to know that everything is going to be just fine, and I am just fine the way I am.
And it is, such, SUCH a blessing. You couldn't pay me enough money to go back and trade places with my 20-year-old self.
So come on 30, I look forward to meeting you.
I feel like I approached things the opposite of you. I remember thinking when I was 16 or so that I definitely didn't want to get married until I was in my 30's (I think I might have even specifically thought 35). I'm a few years early on my plan, unfortunately. ;) I don't know if it's because I'm the youngest of many siblings, but I think I've always thought of myself as older than I am. That said, I still plan to celebrate my 30th birthday party as if it's a new thing so book your plane tickets to London now.
ReplyDeleteSince you are one of the friends I choose to remain friends with (see above) I think I can do that :) Can we wear 80s prom dresses?!
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