The perils and joys of female bosses

Between bottles of (red) wine and bowls of kale chips (recipe coming next, in case you're interested) last night, the girls and I engaged in a hearty debate about female bosses.  We each work in professions that are largely male-dominated, so female bosses are noteworthy in that they are few and far-between.

(Upon re-reading my first paragraph, it strikes me as completely wrong to package women bosses together for purposes of a blog post.  I suspect that it would never have occurred to me to write a post about male bosses, and instead I'd address each man on his merits (or lack thereof).  But the fact is, I don't have very many female bosses and I am starting to see some trends among them, and so I am still writing this post.)

I have been considering this post for a long time.  I have four women for whom I work on at least a somewhat-regular basis.  (Law firms have very flat structures and associates are in a sort of free-market system where they work for whichever partner needs them for a given project, so I don't have just one boss I report to.)  Two of these women are absolutely lovely.  They are a joy to work with.  They understand I have kids, that sometimes things go bananas at home and I might need to leave early, and that I will not -- ever -- leave anyone in the lurch.  Even if I go home early, I will still get your brief written, or your documents reviewed.  I just might not be able to be in the office for it.  They get it.  And aside from that, they are brilliant, intelligent women who are great at their jobs.  They win major cases; they close huge deals.  They give me great opportunities and mentor me regularly.  I will work for them any day of the week.  (And often do.)

The other two are -- how shall I put this? -- to be avoided whenever possible.  They are not flexible in the least, with any of the people working with them -- partners and associates alike.  They are easily panicked by client requests, and demand that everyone drop everything immediately to help.  They work crazy hours and expect everyone else to do the same.  They meangirl people at work and never use the two greatest words in the English language -- "thank you".  Just like the other two, they have great pedigrees and are brilliant lawyers.  So what gives?

As a side note -- all four women have multiple children, so that's not the determining factor.

The only thing I've been able to come up with is that the difference might be age-determined.  The two younger ones are the ones who are lovely; I think the other two are a bit older.  When they came up there were fewer women "making it", and maybe they developed this tough edge to show they could play with the boys?  I don't know.  I wonder sometimes how many of the tics they've adopted are things that could be done by a man without seeming offputting -- maybe I'm holding the women to a different standard?  Because I expect them to understand what it's like to be a working mom, and I don't expect my male bosses who are dads to understand -- after all, they have wives.

But what I don't think the "meangirl" bosses understand is that they are alienating the people who work with them.  The clients love them, but the worker bees don't.  Is it wrong to act like a woman -- and not pretend to be a man -- in the workplace?  I don't think so.

Thoughts?